Whatever Needs to be Set Up for a Caine Gayle/Lennie Kirk MMA Bout...

Set.

That.

Shit.

Up.

But seriously, I don't even know why I am writing about MMA now. Maybe it's the fact that two Nineties luminaries have chosen its discipline as a post-skating vocation. Maybe it's that banner ad that was at the top of the SLAP board for a minute. Maybe it's the fact that an MMA "dojo" appeared next door to one of my local shop's locations. The shop moved. Oh, it's doing fine now, but the dojo remains.

Truth be told, for the record I do not perceive Muy Thai, Brazillian Jui Jitsu, or any of the various permutations and combinations of martial arts that have come to be known as MMA as kooky activities at all. One of my closest friends from way back does Brazilian Jui Jitsu, and it seems cool and everything. I prefer good old-fashioned boxing--"the sweet science." Truth be told, though, I also sometimes like to drive my Lamborghini around downtown Philadelphia late at night--just to clear my head, you know?

ANYWAY, like everything else, I suppose, the recent MMA explosion has its legit and kooky permutations. As far as taking it up post-pro skating, the way I see it, choosing a discipline to which one is a complete novice and mastering is is definitely cooler than taking a position as FKD Bearings (what ABEC are they again?!) team manager or whatever the fuck. Although, I find it interesting that in most of these "where are they now?" pieces in Skateboarder or whatever, most dudes have some kind of "cool guy" job like firefighter or, in the case of Adam McNatt, tattoo artist. You really don't see too many washed-up pro office managers or CPA's. I might be wrong, though (Lib Layraman? You out there?). BY THE WAY, McNatt's interview is also notable for his admission that Titan Trucks were forged from the rare molecular compound known as "legitness." Unfortunately for the human race, said molecular formula has been lost to the sands of time. Fuck. This, I'm afraid, is not even close:

Maybe I am writing about MMA because it somehow gets lumped in with skating in the category of ne'er-do-well activities that are relevant to the interests of gentlemen in the 13-35 age range. Indeed, if industry rabbis are searching for a cause of the industry's lack of profitability, it's probably the across-the-board proliferation of such ne'er do well activities, including new shit like text messaging, Call of Duty, and social networking. No one's busting out the launch ramp, or even the prefabricated "ramptech" box, and setting it up in the cul de sac anymore. The thing about skating is that, out of all the "cool guy" activities like surfing, snowboarding, wakeboarding (You're on a boat. Once you get a chick on your boat, it's basically a wrap), dirtbike riding, etc., it is the least "cool" in the popular imagination. "You're riding around on a little piece of wood on plastic wheels, what the fuck is cool about that?" I've heard the naysayers say. Granted, skating reflects a certain elan in urban areas like NY, LA, and possibly PHILA, but in the rest of the country, for the most part, it's a joke. And for your average 13-year-old, the ability to effectively text message or socially network is more valuable than the ability to do b/s tail bigspin outs or whatever the fuck.

ANYWAY, Speaking of Gayle and Kirk, a surprising amount of the discourse in the ol' print media this month centered around the apartment complex in which the Alien dudes lived in Carlsbad or wherever the fuck in the San Diego area during the mid-Nineties. I never thought of that area as a Nexus for epic shit in the vein of Mike and Greg Carroll's apartment or the Lockwood/menace_tech Los Angeles "fast life" scene, but 15 years later, I suppose it was. Trip the fuck out.


Who all lived there again? Alien dudes, Clyde, Pre-TMZ Muska? Tom Penny maybe? Fuck, dude. It was like Melrose Place without that one redhead, Tiffani Amber-Theissen, that short-haired blonde, or Locklear.

mad underrated

First, Jamie Thomas relates the tale of how he took a young Kalis under his wing ("eagle-swoop" pun intended) in the aforementioned San Diego-area community, only to have the dude quit TM to apply for a job at Real. That is, until Dyrdek recruited him into the Sect. I gotta tell ya, though, from an "alternate universe" perspective, Kalis under the tutelage of pre-Twitter Thiebaud,** Hufnagel, and Drake Jones is kind of mindblowing. Who knows, though; it would be hard for his career to have been any "better," you know what I mean? Then Lennie Kirk, at the outset of an epic behind-bars interview, recalls the partying ways of the Alien dudes and references taping Stretch and Bob, as was the wont of Nineties backpacker hip-hop folk. How did he pick up WKCR in San Diego, though? Maybe he and Drake mailordered tapes from Fat Beats, sandbox, or some shit like that. Ah, the Nineties, when, in order to obtain a mix tape, one had to send a postal money order via the postal service, and wait to receive a magnetic cassette tape via said postal service.

Fuck it though, all the aforementioned shit is apocryphal. Pros could pretty much do whatever the fuck they wanted back then. They didn't _really_ have to film that much, and the internet was mostly academic (besides USENET of course), so if a dude did something WACKY and regrettable, the whole world didn't know about it instantaneously. The only fuel for the ol' theater of the mind was whatever inside jokes made it into the Big Brother "news" column. Our sole point of reference, however, is the 411 "Roomates" segment with Pupecki, Gino, and Keenan, which is probably the best thing 411 Productions ever produced (the Jess McReney WOF is up there). I might be wrong, though; I kind of lost track when they did that whole "re-numbering" thing. ANYWAY. where to begin with the Pupecki/Milton/Iannucci piece-- Pupecki skating a brand new crisp City Stars board? Keenan smoking and playing Playstation 1 simultaneously? Gavin the three-point specialist? The most awesome part, I think, is random girl sitting on the couch while Gino and Keenan battle in NHL 2000 (you think Gino always played as the Islanders?).

I mean, who is this girl? What is she doing there? The world will never know. I do, however, think it's funny that, because blackberries were not yet invented, she's just kind of staring at her hand.


That's enough for now; I could probably write a while dissertation about that 411 segment. Or maybe a television series--A group of young, transcendentally talented skaters, some industry hangers-on, and a few scandalous bitches try to make it in a Los Angeles condominium complex during the pre-9/11 boom years. Here's my two-second pitch: it's like Melrose meets The Hills meets Street Dreams! Quick! Someone get Aaron Spelling on the horn!!!!


What?

*I'm trying to recall if Tiffani Amber-Thiessen was on Melrose Place, 90210 1.0, or both. It turns out, both.

**The recent banter between Thiebaud and "The Ringer" re: Twitter is really just too cute...