Attn: Scott Johnston--better be on your shit. Watch your q's and be on your p's, my friend; as you can clearly see, I kill it at shoe design. Picking up the gauntlet thrown down by Watson, I threw together a Koston 1 select Hot Lava colorway in about three minutes using some markers and a silver crayon. Along the way, I decided to forego paying homage to the red and black Nike Air Tech Challenge II in favor of the blue and orange; although, come to think of it, a white shoe with a black sole and a big red "E" would be Nineties as fuck.
A couple notes on the design: the silver heel collar (?!) would be constructed of that mesh stuff, and the lava on the heel goes all the way around to the other side.
While I was hard at work, I pondered why the fuck I am so psyched on this colorway; the nostalgic forces that surround it are powerful. The kids that wore Air Tech Challenge II's and Bo Jacksons were always just a little ahead of the curve when it came to important shit like seeing naked ladies. For example, they always had the SI swimsuit issue whenever it hit the stands around mid-February. It's hard to verbalize the gravitas the release of the swimsuit issue commanded at that time. Keep in mind that, at the time, the internet was used primarily for academic types to communicate with each other. Consequently, it was virtually impossible to see [mostly] naked ladies unless one had some kind of hookup like Cinemax or an older brother. Presumably, the swimsuit issue was intended to raise the spirits of demoralized dudes in the deadest dead of winter, in the negative zone between the Superbowl and the NBA All-Star Game. So opiate-like was their siren-like power, the young ladies therein became H-list celebs, after a fashion.

They also inspired a cult of sorts, depicted and immortalized by Michael Rapaport's character in Beautiful Girls. Note: although I am not psyched on "The Hundreds," if they re-reissued the shirt featuring this famous monologue I would definitely fuck with it.

*note: Brooklyn Projects is not actually located in Brooklyn.

**note 2: The Fountains of Wayne no longer live in Wayne.


Javier Nunez Is a Bulletproof Tiger with the Mind of a Fuckin' Scientist

alternate post title: Javier Nunez can land a fucking guitar.

Has Tampa supplanted California as the locus of the American Dream? I postulated
this theory after the harmonic convergence of the final ep. of
Eastbound and Down
and the Tampa pro finals. Like many dudes that weekend, Kenny Fucking Powers
rode off into the sunset headed for Tampa, leaving a "gaping hole of need" of a
woman at a suburban North Carolina gas station. The mission: one last shot
at redemption.
[insert Active Erica / April Buchanan commentary here]

The location: Tampa Pro, which year after year provides entertainment value,
of late centering less and less around the contest itself, with its increasingly
cynical winning runs by that dude with the triple-collab hat. Alas, in 2009, a
Matt Beach moral victory was not to be. However, I could not have been more
proud of Mr. Nunez, who reprised his guest spot in Stevie's part in the DC
video to the tune of 3K and a Dean (Darrell Abbott's final guitar sponsor) Flying
V-type guitar. Throwing in that "wheedle-wheedle" George Lynch shred action
was rad too. Note to Mr. Nunez: if you are indeed left-handed,and intend on
learning the instrument, i highly recommend learning to play the guitar
right-handed. It just gives one so many more options, you know? Plus, I
know for a fact ESP does not manufacture a left-handed George Lynch pro
model. However, I can think of at least one left-handed dude that took
advantage of the symmetry of the Flying V design:

Back to Mr. Nunez. My congratulatory sentiments are somewhat conflicted; as
everyone knows, it's not very menace tech to try in contests. Years past, dudes
might have flung a couple fakie inside heel attempts on the flat bank before
blowing per diems at Mons Venus. Not this year, though. Maybe Javier is
starting to actualize his potential, fourteen fucking years after getting on
Menace. As it is, he's already one of the premier nollie h/f dudes ever--up
there with Charles Lamb. I have no idea what it is, but that particular part of
the world produces the best switch heel dudes par excellence. Maybe the
catalyst is some chemical compound in the Arthur Kill that wafts over to
Bayonne, back over to SI and then down to the Raritan Bay where it infects
Wenning and Durante, or some shit like that.

Now, If I were Bill Simmons I would compose some elaborate 20,000 word
extravanza relating Powerisms to shit that went down at Tampa, but I'm not.
So, all you get is a cheap story from the Nineties.
And it goes a little something like this:
I once ran into Kareem, Javier, and Cales at the pizzeria down the block from
Supreme. Kareem related that his master plan for Javier was
"the next Guy
I'm not sure if dudes who
have been dubbed assuch have fared
as poorly as dudes who have been
dubbed "the next Michael Jordan."
Maybe worse.

As for Nunez' board sponsor, it's by all
accounts "sick,"but their existence
reminds me of that episode in
Season 2 of The Wire in which Stringer
Bell askshis econ professor how to make
a profit in an oversaturated market. His
answer, in a nutshell?
Change the name. The theory
postulates that the juice created by
the "newness" of a new brand alone
will increase sales.

And if you think about it, in a market as
oversaturated as "hardgoods," every
time a new brand appears there's that one group
of kids that are all about it--Deca, Deathwish, whatever.
I am unsure, however, that this particular phenomenon
took place for Shut. I have yet to see one of their boards
anywhere. I suspect that they are one of those operations that is "big in
Japan." Their graphics are legit, but the team lacks cohesiveness and identity
to a certain extent.Felix doesn't help (see recent youwillsoon post). Derek
Fukahara blew doors with one of the most talked-about tricks (varial heel ng
on a handrail) in one of the most memorable parts in one underrated videos
(Filmbot Files) of the past decade, then vanished.
Back to the actual Shut product-- I think they utilize Chapman wood, making
that manufacturer and its various clientele, specifically Zoo and Cliche, the
only boards my local shop carries that are manufactured in our fine republic.
And the last time I had a Chapman/Number 9 board in my posession, I traded
it for a green 101 shirt and Whatever, including the box.
This was possibly the most one-sided trade in the history of product trading.
I found this out the other day when I went to get a board, and it came down to
a limited-edition Tex Gibson guest board and a Dill. Note: realized that I just
mentioned Dill. I'm not trying to fight you, bro; I fucking purchased your pro
model! If you insist on fisticuffs, though, I'm at the foundation spot almost
every weekend.I could never actually skate any kind of signed and/or numbered
deck, so the Dill it was. I was surprised to see, however, the following
counter-litigation (NOTE: there has never been a successful skateboard liability
suit in this country -- I did a rudimentary LexisNexis search) device:

Bummer, because up until then, one of the main things Burton Skateboards
had going for it was the Paul Shmidt connect. I wouldn't be suprised if they
were still availing themselves of his services, or phasing them out, or a
combination of the two. Who the fuck knows, man.
All I know is that if I ever gripped a board and forgot to remove the "warning"
(or in the case of crailtap products, size) sticker, I would die of obsessive
compulsion alone.