HOT LAVA!!!

Attn: Scott Johnston--better be on your shit. Watch your q's and be on your p's, my friend; as you can clearly see, I kill it at shoe design. Picking up the gauntlet thrown down by Watson, I threw together a Koston 1 select Hot Lava colorway in about three minutes using some markers and a silver crayon. Along the way, I decided to forego paying homage to the red and black Nike Air Tech Challenge II in favor of the blue and orange; although, come to think of it, a white shoe with a black sole and a big red "E" would be Nineties as fuck.

A couple notes on the design: the silver heel collar (?!) would be constructed of that mesh stuff, and the lava on the heel goes all the way around to the other side.

While I was hard at work, I pondered why the fuck I am so psyched on this colorway; the nostalgic forces that surround it are powerful. The kids that wore Air Tech Challenge II's and Bo Jacksons were always just a little ahead of the curve when it came to important shit like seeing naked ladies. For example, they always had the SI swimsuit issue whenever it hit the stands around mid-February. It's hard to verbalize the gravitas the release of the swimsuit issue commanded at that time. Keep in mind that, at the time, the internet was used primarily for academic types to communicate with each other. Consequently, it was virtually impossible to see [mostly] naked ladies unless one had some kind of hookup like Cinemax or an older brother. Presumably, the swimsuit issue was intended to raise the spirits of demoralized dudes in the deadest dead of winter, in the negative zone between the Superbowl and the NBA All-Star Game. So opiate-like was their siren-like power, the young ladies therein became H-list celebs, after a fashion.

They also inspired a cult of sorts, depicted and immortalized by Michael Rapaport's character in Beautiful Girls. Note: although I am not psyched on "The Hundreds," if they re-reissued the shirt featuring this famous monologue I would definitely fuck with it.

*note: Brooklyn Projects is not actually located in Brooklyn.

**note 2: The Fountains of Wayne no longer live in Wayne.

Javier Nunez Is a Bulletproof Tiger with the Mind of a Fuckin' Scientist

alternate post title: Javier Nunez can land a fucking guitar. Has Tampa supplanted California as the locus of the American Dream? I postulated this theory after the harmonic convergence of the final ep. of Eastbound and Down and the Tampa pro finals. Like many dudes that weekend, Kenny Fucking Powers rode off into the sunset headed for Tampa, leaving a "gaping hole of need" of a woman at a suburban North Carolina gas station. The mission: one last shot at redemption. [insert Active Erica / April Buchanan commentary here] The location: Tampa Pro, which year after year provides entertainment value, of late centering less and less around the contest itself, with its increasingly cynical winning runs by that dude with the triple-collab hat. Alas, in 2009, a Matt Beach moral victory was not to be. However, I could not have been more proud of Mr. Nunez, who reprised his guest spot in Stevie's part in the DC video to the tune of 3K and a Dean (Darrell Abbott's final guitar sponsor) Flying V-type guitar. Throwing in that "wheedle-wheedle" George Lynch shred action was rad too. Note to Mr. Nunez: if you are indeed left-handed,and intend on learning the instrument, i highly recommend learning to play the guitar right-handed. It just gives one so many more options, you know? Plus, I know for a fact ESP does not manufacture a left-handed George Lynch pro model. However, I can think of at least one left-handed dude that took advantage of the symmetry of the Flying V design: Back to Mr. Nunez. My congratulatory sentiments are somewhat conflicted; as everyone knows, it's not very menace tech to try in contests. Years past, dudes might have flung a couple fakie inside heel attempts on the flat bank before blowing per diems at Mons Venus. Not this year, though. Maybe Javier is starting to actualize his potential, fourteen fucking years after getting on Menace. As it is, he's already one of the premier nollie h/f dudes ever--up there with Charles Lamb. I have no idea what it is, but that particular part of the world produces the best switch heel dudes par excellence. Maybe the catalyst is some chemical compound in the Arthur Kill that wafts over to Bayonne, back over to SI and then down to the Raritan Bay where it infects Wenning and Durante, or some shit like that. Now, If I were Bill Simmons I would compose some elaborate 20,000 word extravanza relating Powerisms to shit that went down at Tampa, but I'm not. So, all you get is a cheap story from the Nineties. And it goes a little something like this: I once ran into Kareem, Javier, and Cales at the pizzeria down the block from Supreme. Kareem related that his master plan for Javier was "the next Guy Mariano." I'm not sure if dudes who have been dubbed assuch have fared as poorly as dudes who have been dubbed "the next Michael Jordan." Maybe worse. As for Nunez' board sponsor, it's by all accounts "sick,"but their existence reminds me of that episode in Season 2 of The Wire in which Stringer Bell askshis econ professor how to make a profit in an oversaturated market. His answer, in a nutshell? Change the name. The theory postulates that the juice created by the "newness" of a new brand alone will increase sales. And if you think about it, in a market as oversaturated as "hardgoods," every time a new brand appears there's that one group of kids that are all about it--Deca, Deathwish, whatever. I am unsure, however, that this particular phenomenon took place for Shut. I have yet to see one of their boards anywhere. I suspect that they are one of those operations that is "big in Japan." Their graphics are legit, but the team lacks cohesiveness and identity to a certain extent.Felix doesn't help (see recent youwillsoon post). Derek Fukahara blew doors with one of the most talked-about tricks (varial heel ng on a handrail) in one of the most memorable parts in one underrated videos (Filmbot Files) of the past decade, then vanished. Back to the actual Shut product-- I think they utilize Chapman wood, making that manufacturer and its various clientele, specifically Zoo and Cliche, the only boards my local shop carries that are manufactured in our fine republic. And the last time I had a Chapman/Number 9 board in my posession, I traded it for a green 101 shirt and Whatever, including the box. This was possibly the most one-sided trade in the history of product trading. I found this out the other day when I went to get a board, and it came down to a limited-edition Tex Gibson guest board and a Dill. Note: realized that I just mentioned Dill. I'm not trying to fight you, bro; I fucking purchased your pro model! If you insist on fisticuffs, though, I'm at the foundation spot almost every weekend.I could never actually skate any kind of signed and/or numbered deck, so the Dill it was. I was surprised to see, however, the following counter-litigation (NOTE: there has never been a successful skateboard liability suit in this country -- I did a rudimentary LexisNexis search) device: Bummer, because up until then, one of the main things Burton Skateboards had going for it was the Paul Shmidt connect. I wouldn't be suprised if they were still availing themselves of his services, or phasing them out, or a combination of the two. Who the fuck knows, man. All I know is that if I ever gripped a board and forgot to remove the "warning" (or in the case of crailtap products, size) sticker, I would die of obsessive compulsion alone.